can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
