it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
