We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
