Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it hurts more in the daytime
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
