thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
