so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
