i think my mom watched the whole time
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
