So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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