I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
