There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
