Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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