i already hear my dad disowning me
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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