Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
