It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
