I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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