3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
