Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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