hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
