he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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