glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
