Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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