One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
