just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
