I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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