I think my vagina is haunted
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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