vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
