You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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