I wish I only lived at night.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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