Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
