I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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