How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
