I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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