It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
