Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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