Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
