I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
