Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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