Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
