I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
