genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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