I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
