i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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