Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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