mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
