Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
