Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
