the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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