can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
