I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The adults are the big ones right?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
