hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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