so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
