I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
