wanna go halves on a baby?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
nutella sex= disaster
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
