sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
