I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
