My nipple is on Facebook.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
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A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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