i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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