cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
