i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
