he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
