Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
