Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
